The Consensual Blackmail Game
Blackmail is a word that all submissives cringe at with a sense of fear and excitement. It permeates many of our darkest fantasies and has become quite the draw in the realm of online Financial Domination. A few years ago you couldn’t find a Online Domme site that didn’t make mention of it. Now, after those years the field has slimmed down a bit, but it still remains a big fantasies hidden inside the head of a submissive. Should I, or shouldn’t I? Can I follow through, or would it consume and ruin me? Is this something I want to experience or is it better left to fantasy? In this article I’ll try to explore some of these questions.
First let’s explain what we are talking about when we say, “Consensual Blackmail.” I won’t bore everyone with the legalities. You can read those discussions on any other blog or forum. Blackmail, is essentially illegal, and if it’s Consensual Blackmail, well, you could argue it’s not really blackmail at all. So let others talk you through the semantics. What we are talking about here is willingly handing over potentially damaging information, pictures, phone numbers, passwords, etc to a Domme in order to assure your complete compliance with Her orders and demands. If those orders are not met the Domme can then release the information to third parties ( GF’s, wives, employers, or post on the internet) and cause the submissive (blackmailed individual) significant emotional distress, and damage. The intent is to make sure the submissive is under full control.
Why would someone submit to such a thing. Well, in my opinion, most find this an extremely powerful, sexy play because 1, it’s real and tangible, and 2, it is about the most true form of control that could exist in a D/s relationship, and 3, it can be just as real with a partner in real life as it can online. With any form of online play, with the technology today, it is getting to be that online interaction can be almost as real as the 2 parties playing want it to be. In the case of consensual blackmail, one is completely at the mercy of the blackmailer. Which makes it one hot sexy scenario.
I, personally with all disclosure, have not taken the plunge into this edge play. I do fantasize about consensual blackmail, but usually chicken out because a strange sense of reality usually wakes me up and I realize that it might just be something that needs to stay in my fantasies. Part of the reason there has been a slight decline in Dommes offering this delicious play is that there is a lot of lack of follow through. Subs have fantasies of submitting to this awesome form of submission, but then back out when it gets too real. This has started to erode the fun of it for those that think the idea is sound. The legalities are also somewhat problematic, but again I leave that for another discussion.
One of the biggest reasons I think this play falls apart is a lack of full understanding between the 2 people involved. This is not something I solely blame on subs, but they do rightfully bare the brunt of the failure. First, a subs seek out Dommes and most Dommes never push blackmail on anyone, taking it up with only those who desire it. Second, is the biggest problem, the submissive’s own fantasy expectations, and the Dommes real expectations.
Submissive men usually find themselves filling out these applications when they are horny. We also tend to be turned on by our own fetishes and humiliation fantasies. This often leads to the fantasy of the Domme controlling the man by making him complete all sorts of humiliating tasks, assignments, etc. That is fine, and with some Dommes that can and will happen. But us humiliation junkies tend to ignore the monetary part, where as the Dommes tend to focus mainly on the monetary part. Going through several Domme sites before writing this article, I noticed an interesting common theme to many Consensual Blackmail pages. The commonality is that most Dommes ONLY talk about the monetary component. In fact, there are fairly few pages that mention a whole lot about other forms of control (like humiliating acts etc..( except in the form of taking pictures to send in with the completed application) and most of it just refers to “control” not mentioning at all what that means. This doesn’t mean that it is ONLY about the money. It could be that many Dommes just don’t want to give out free wank material, but essentially most pages refer to gifts, tributes, fines, taxes, etc, that must be paid to keep your info safe, but rarely anything else except this generic word “control” and doing what She says.
To me, the aspect of what the sub perceives is often out of line with what the Domme really offers and this sours the play considerably. Now, this is why this should only be left to those that are truly submissives. Because when you put such power in someone else’s hands you better be very sure you are going to be able to live up to your end of the bargain. Be clear in your intentions and be clear with what your blackmailer expects BEFORE signing your life away. Otherwise you will always be a victim of the old cliché “be careful what you wish for.”
Almost every contract does give you an out though. It’s referred to as a “buyout clause.” The buyout clause lets you escape the contract at any point for a one time payment. Don’t expect it to be cheap though.
My own feelings and Advice :
I believe the blackmail fantasy can be a great, exhilarating , one to under take if done correctly and with caution.
First, I would research and get to know the Domme first. Do buy clips. Do read and then re-read Her site. Do read Her blog. Get to know the Domme you would be putting your info on the line with. Frankly, serve Her first! Ask Her about it, but ask if you can serve Her for a time and let Her decide along the course if She thinks you are suitable to play this risky game with. That will allow you both to get to know each other and if you mesh. If not, don’t even think about it. Also, although I think new Dommes deserve a chance, it may be best to go with a Domme that’s established and been around for awhile.
Second, negotiate! After serving and getting to know each other, IF you both feel this is the next step, negotiate the scene. Make a list of things that are your hard limits, both activity wise and monetarily. I know people like to say they would do anything, and we all fantasize about blackmail being a “no limit” situation, but there can still be ways to play quite excitingly within limits. BE HONEST. Be honest and upfront from the beginning.
Don’t expect the Domme to agree to all your limits. This fantasy is about pushing limits and expanding them. It’s about control, if you cannot agree to have some of your limits expanded, then just stay safe and continue to serve in a non-blackmail position. This is edge play, it’s suppose to be challenging, that’s the exciting part.
Don’t send fake info. There are plenty of phone sex lines that will play with the fantasy, and not cross the reality line.
Don’t play if you cannot afford to play! Most consensual blackmail situations ARE Financial Domination ones. There will often be the monthly, weekly, hush money payment that needs to be met and gifts, tasks, fines on top of those payments. It could be a set amount or a varying range (see DO negotiate above) that the Domme will demand as She sees fit. Don’t expect it to be cheap. This is Domination, submitting to the will of another, sacrificing for another. So it should hurt, it should make you cut back and suffer. That is what control is all about.
This all leads to the “buyout.” Again, don’t think this will be cheap. Do negotiate it in the beginning. It should be an amount that won’t destroy you, but definitely would put you through a month of hell. Why, because you were the one that signed it, and thought you wanted it, and the Domme will be holding the cards at that point. Consider what you would easily be able to pay, and maybe double or triple it! This fantasy is not so much about being forced to do things you don’t want to do, it’s more about being pushed into doing things you really do want to, but didn’t have the balls to experience. Consider blackmail, the info she holds, and the buyout, as “motivation” to follow through. And lastly, man up, if you can’t carry on. Man up by being true to your word, and using the buy out.
Ultimately, keep consensual blackmail as just a fantasy if you have no intention of follow through. Keep it as a fantasy if you just want a Domme to chase you down and demand you pay. But, if you find yourself wanting to take your submission to the next level. If you find yourself truly willing to explore the darkness and ready to fall to the next exciting level. If you know you have the Domme for you. It could just be worth taking that plunge. But don’t think for one moment that if you cannot follow through, you will be able to escape the consequences. This is a game, but it can be a very real game for those that do not follow through, a game that has serious consequences when you fail.